My intention when I sat down at the computer this evening was to write a Pley-inspired post about How I Teach The Children About Responsibility. I was going to write about how it’s our job as parents to help our children to grow into functional and dependable adults, and that we have many tools at our disposal to that end. I was going to share some of those tools, and I was going to allow you to bask in the stern but warm glow of my parenting insights.

But then I got distracted by some cat-print leggings, which naturally sent me down a rabbit hole from which I didn’t escape until I hit the bottom. And when I say “the bottom,” please understand that I was considering buying this:

Yeah, it’s a caped dress adorned with a bedazzled Darth Vader head. And yeah, for a brief moment it was in my shopping cart. But then I reminded myself that I rarely ever wear the Darth Vader dress that I already own, so I closed those tabs and started typing.

And then I was so into “Carefree Highway” that my words slipped away on me. (And then of course I had to look up the lyrics to make sure I was using them accurately.)

And then I remembered there were Thin Mints in the cupboard, so I had to go to the kitchen to eat one the remaining three.

And then it was my turn in my ongoing game of Facebook Scrabble with my dad, and when the game ended (I lost, as usual) and I tried to start a new one it wouldn’t let me and so I started to wonder if my dad had unfriended me on Facebook Scrabble. (I still don’t know the answer to that one.)

What I’m trying to say is: Sometimes I wonder whether I am the ideal person to Teach The Children About Responsibility. And yet Poppy and Pete are my children, and as such I have a responsibility to Teach Them About Responsibility.

Learning how to be responsible is an ongoing and ever-evolving process. For all of us. Here are some of the ways in which Rockford and I are trying to Teach The Children About Responsibility:

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Chores

Rockford and I feel that chores are an important part of teaching kids to be responsible, both as a way to be helpful, contributing members of our four-person society and as a way to make money. So Poppy and Pete each have a daily chore list, which includes things like Do Your Laundry, Unload the Dishwasher and Clean the Toilet. Their chores haven’t been required (other than the laundry one), and the kids go through cycles of being very diligent in their work and completely slacking off. Whenever they get into a slacking-off rut, we try to come up with a new way to encourage them to get their work done.

When we first gave the kids chores, I thought that money would be sufficient encouragement. But that didn’t mean much to them until I started making them buy their own ICEEs at Target. At that point, Pete began to graciously offer to treat his sister to an ICEE and Poppy graciously accepted whilst depositing her own coins into her piggy bank. Much as I appreciated his generosity, he wasn’t saving any of his money. Financial responsibility is pretty important, so we tried a new tactic. The kids put half of their allowance into The Spending Jar and the other half into The Savings Pig. I’ve told them that we’ll match whatever they’ve saved when it’s time to buy their first cars, but that hasn’t much of an impact. Pete apparently doesn’t realize how much his dream car — a limousine — is going to set him back, and I think Poppy is planning to take the bus.

The kids haven’t been doing a great job on their chores lately, so it’s time to change things up again. They don’t know this yet — or rather, they’re finding out right now as Poppy reads this — but starting this Monday we’ll be linking Chore Competition to Electronics Time.

School

Every homeschool operates differently, but in our homeschool there isn’t much urgency for the kids to get their schoolwork done by a specific hour. They work off of a to-do list, and I don’t keep them to a schedule on it. So long as everything’s done by the end of the day, I’m happy. My goal for now is to lead them toward taking care of business under their own initiative. Some days they do, but most days I still have to remind them to check their lists and do their work. Frequently. I am positive that they’ll get there eventually.

Outsourcing

For us, the leaders in the kids’ extracurricular activities — particularly at tae kwon do — are playing a great role in teaching them about responsibility. Show up at tae kwon do without your belt? Don’t know your form? You may be tempted to blame your dog for chewing on your belt or your mom for not reminding you to practice, but that kind of thing does not fly over there. The instructor will call you out, fix her steely-eyed gaze upon you and say “Whose tae kwon do practice is this? Is this your mother’s tae kwon do practice? No. It is yours, and you are responsible for it.” It makes my inner helicopter parents squirm a little when such tough love is directed at my own precious flowers, but then I squash my inner helicopter parent. Because I think it means a lot for a kid to know that their parents aren’t the only people who notice or care about it when they try to slack off.

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Helping our children to become responsible people is a huge and important task, and there are plenty of advice columns and talking heads out there who will tell us how to do it. But all the tools and helpful tips in the world will be worthless if Rockford and I don’t lead Pete and Poppy by example. We can tell them 1,000 times over to clean their rooms, but there isn’t going to be much weight behind the command if the floor of our room is covered with baseball cards and Micro Machines. So we try to set a good example for them by being responsible in our own lives, and we do our best to encourage them to be responsible in theirs. It’s a long and winding road that’s worth trudging down.

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