Having Poppy around has changed the way I view myself.

There was a time when getting dressed every morning was a struggle. Even after I lost 40 pounds, nothing fit — or nothing fit the way I wanted it to fit. There were days I wanted to call in sick simply because everything I tried on touched me.

Now, even after gaining most of my 40 pounds back, those days are rare. Most days I just toss something on, and Poppy and I go on about our day.

I’m not sure what it is about having her here that has changed things. It might just be that she needs me, and I don’t have time for drama at the closet doors. Maybe it’s her hugs. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself with 28 pounds of precious wrapped around you.

That being said, I know I still need to lose weight. I’ve started Weight Watchers again, and I’ve been trying to work out regularly.

The first time I joined Weight Watchers, it was because someone asked me when the baby was due. And there was no baby in the works! That was awkward! And embarassing!

So I joined Weight Watchers.

I was shocked at how much I weighed. Growing up, I don’t remember there being a scale in the house. I always suspected I was heavy. In retrospect I think that may have been a little skewed by having a step-sister who cried in the tenth grade when she crested 100 pounds.

By the time I joined Weight Watchers, I was definitely quite overweight. I haven’t reached that number again, but the weight has steadily crept back on. And sure, there are a few things I can blame for that. But I’m not going to pin this one on depression or baby weight or stress. If I do that, I’m likely not to change anything.

And I need to change something.

I want Poppy to be healthy. I want her to be confidant. And she has to learn those things from me.